letter122

The first thing I think of is how I am objectified because of the internet. Porn is so easy to find, in HD and completely for free, than it used to be. I was in a relationship for about two years with someone who was addicted to porn. Nothing was ever enough for him, so it became more extreme. Sex was boring because he was bored or simply emotionally unavailable. It was strange to hear him call me by my first name in those moments. I tried so hard but I was just a girl and not a porn star. And this was real life.
Even after we broke up I noticed a trend in hookups happening. Like they were being checked off a category. First kissing, touching, undressing, sucking on my nipples, sucking dick, cunnilingus, if I was lucky, cowboy, doggie style, missionary. It seems like there has to be more but everyone I know (my age) has watched porn on the internet and can’t seem to get it our of their heads.
There are countless videos of women being pressured into sex as some fetish-worthy performance. I feel that pressure even when no words are spoken aloud. And I feel sad and afraid. I’m not a porn star. I’m just a girl.